I finished my first lap in 3:27:42. I felt pretty good about that. I liked the pace and felt really comfortable. After I stopped for my drop bag to grab a few things there were a couple of things in particular that I felt did not help me. The group I was running with had broken up at this point. I did not see any of the group I had been running with. I also knew the sun was getting directly overhead which took away the shade. As I took off for the second lap I was alone, all alone. This was the first point I realized what kind of a day this might be. I was alone for the first couple of miles and stayed this way from most of the second lap.
At the first aid station I did see some familiar faces but I did not want to hang around and wait. I really felt the terrain taking its toll on me at this point. After I left the aid station I knew I was already concerned because I was five plus miles away from the next one. Because of the heat I knew I would be drinking more. Before I had gone two miles I think I finished off my water bottle.
The sun was beating down on me and the heat was on high. By the way did i mention I was HOT! It did not take long for me to lose any positive feelings I had, especially when a volunteer told me just 30 miles to go. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew how far but that really make me think.
It became harder for me to eat and drink at each stop along the way. I became to despise everything I was putting in my mouth. I knew I had to force it down otherwise I would never make it. With each mile it became tougher and tougher. Finally at the out and back on the gravel road with about 4 miles left on this loop I began to think this was it. I decided in my mind that I could be happy with finishing the 50K and not the 50 miles. I began to walk, not by choice but I just had to. I felt like my body was shutting down. I could not eat or drink, my hands were swollen and I felt like I might get sick. I did find some company in misery, I began walking with someone from Minnesota who was suffering from blisters. We both were thinking of calling it quits once we reached the start/finish line again.
The longer I walked the better I began to feel but I also began to feel the disappointment from throwing in the towel. Finally a couple of familiar faces found me. I did not say I was quitting to them, but they began to share stories of races they have done. The good the bad, and the ugly. 100 mile races, iron man races, 24,48 and 72 hour races. I began to remember how tough these are supposed to be. As I finished the second lap I was uncertain. The stories began to inspire but I still felt awful.
Then I had a decision, I saw my Dad at the start/finish line. Quitting could be so easy as he was there with my ride. I had run further than ever before in my life. I could walk away and feel like I could justify it. However something sparked in me and I said to myself, did you think it would be easy? This is what you knew it would be, the toughest thing you have ever tried. I told my dad, I might not finish but I was not stopping right now. I finished lap 2 at 7:36:00 and I knew I had 4 hours and 24 minutes to finish. I decided to march on. I would put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving.
