I thought long and hard about publishing this blog. Why? I wrote this blog not too long after surgery. I wrote this and thought after reading it, that it sounds depressing. In reality…it is not meant to be depressing. For me it was one of the most liberating things I have ever written. So…if you read it and think, “wow, I hope he is okay.” Trust me….I am doing fantastic! I just thought I would publish this anyway. So enjoy random thoughts from when I was on my back!
A little recommendation for you. If you ever in your life have back surgery and in those days following back surgery are tempted to read up on what it looks like to run again….Don’t Do it! My suggestion is you just ignore everything you read and just recover in your own way. Ignore everything else out there and let your body do its own thing. Talk about depressing and discouraging! Geez!
My neurosurgeon told me that he thought I should be able to return to running. (However, I know a knee surgeon that told someone else I know something similar! I am just sayin’!)
I put some thought into it after reading just about everyone you could imagine and what their advice is and what to expect. It just drove me NUTS! After reading so much, my head was about the explode and the thought came to me…will I run again?
More thoughts came to me:
Will I ever run again?
Will I be able to run like I used to?
Will I be able to run fast?
Will I be able to qualify for Boston?
Will I be able to run an Ultra?
Will I be able to run with my wife and my sons?
Everything you can think of popped in my head. When I put my running shoes on, my running shorts and running shirt will my legs and my head agree…will they let me run again? Will I ever be the same?
Those are the things that cross your mind when you read all the crap I looked at! Don’t read about it! If you are ever tempted…DON’T DO IT!
In reality, I came to a conclusion on March 10th, 2016. As I laid in the hospital bed that night on the eve of back surgery, the conclusion was plain. I had been with my family and when my brother left my hospital room, the conclusion was simple. If I can…then I can. If I can’t…then I can’t.
It was really simple. Don’t get me wrong, I plan to give everything I can and do everything as smart as I can to run again. My plan is to be back and running at some point. My plan is to work hard just like I always have. However, at the end of the day there is nothing I can do about the results. Right now, I can walk and I can move and I can sit. I can be normal just like I hoped. Anything after that is a bonus.
As I write this and as you read this, it might sound defeating and it might sound like I expect the worst. That is not the case. I firmly believe I will be back and I firmly believe I will run again. Will it be after 6 weeks or will it be in one year? I don’t know.
The real conclusion and the real thought in my head is that my life will not be any different if I never run a marathon again. My life is no less fulfilling if I never run as fast as I did. In fact, it is probably the opposite. Being sidelined for the time I have, has really made me appreciate every single step. It has made me appreciate every walk I get. It helps me not take for granted the runs with family and friends.
So…will I run again? Yes! I will run again. If I can…then I can. If I can’t…then I can’t.